Jun 7, 2007

Our Book

There are clear signs that i am going crazy. I want to write a book!! I know its not possible. That is why i am saying that i have gone crazy. But I liked the idea so much that i want to give it a try at least. The topic is so universal. Everyone does it day in and day out. But i have not found a single book which talks about it. Enough of the suspense. I am talking about cribbing. Everyday a substantial portion of me and my friends day is spent in cribbing about one thing or the other. And i am crazy only because i want to write a book and not because i crib for a big part of the day. The second phenomenon is truly universal. The same sounds true specially for the IT industry.

What will the book have? A big question but then the i see no limits for this book. In fact once i start writing i am sure i will have to come out with multiple volumes. I guess a days recording of me and my friends conversation would be enough to write a book! Only problem is putting it all together in an organized manner so that people find it interesting. One can divide the book by stages of life. I mean the type of cribbing one does at different stages of life. Cribbing at school, Cribbing at college, Cribbing at job, Cribbing at home, Cribbing at retirement and so on. Suggestions for any other classification are welcome.

But will me and my friends talks be a good enough sample set for representing the general crib. Probably not. This point of view made me think about writing the book in a different way. What about open source? Take suggestions from everyone. Or say just people who write well. Let one group take care of one part of the book. If we go by the above classification, we can have people between the age of 55-60 take care of Cribbing at retirement and so on. One just needs to define the modules of the book, assign a bunch of people a single module and integrate them. Viola! we have 'The CribBook'. The name of the book reflects my lack of imagination. But again, suggestions are always welcome. Given below is also a suggestion for Table of Content for the book:

  • Definition
  • Different points of time in life when we crib
  • Crib at Pre school
  • Crib at School
  • Crib at College
  • Crib during Graduation
  • Crib during Post Graduation
  • Crib during job
  • [add more here]
  • How to crib
  • Cribology
When crib itself is so popular why can't we have a subject on cribbing in the universities - Cribology. The subject will have all the good affects which cribbing can have on your health. The professors for the subject will be from, yes, IT industry.
  • Crib Language
One can come up with new phrases like crib city, crib street, Crib dose etc.
  • Glossary of terms
People will have crib breaks instead of coffee or sutta breaks. There will be competitions on cribbing. 'OMG! i can't believe it. I just won the crib trophy'. Doctors will prescribe crib doses to patients. Finally the word 'talk' will be replaced by the word 'crib' in the dictionary. Your manager will say 'Lets crib about it'.

This is all i can think right now. Do let me know your views on the book. If you like it do suggest ways to implement the community model to write the book. Do suggest your cribbing experiences (or should we say crib breaks). If you don't like it there must be something wrong with you and i think you need some crib dose.

Yours cribly,
The perennial cribber.

Jun 6, 2007

No more shanee

I was having a bad day. So my teammates decided i needed a break and all three of us went for a snack break in the evening. We would have taken the break anyways. So we went to the canteen and ordered idli, dosa and tea. And it doesn't matter to me if you do not approve of what my snack constitutes of. I have spent 6 years in southern India and this is how i am paying them back. Can't give a part of my salary since it barely supports me. And my company won't give me a decent hike because my manager thinks I stink at my work. I agree with him. And that is the reason i didn't grumble 1/10th of how much those people with the largest hike grumbled. And i grumbled because i wanted to show i was not crazy. That i am one of them. But i digress as do most of the bloggers, most of the human beings.

So we were having our snacks and one of my team mates suggested that tomorrow is saturday and i should offer some oil to shanee bhagwan. I don't know what is shanee bhagwan known in english. Some learned moron please enlighten us. And this is not a digression. It is important because my blog is global and you may not be the only one reading it. There is a possibility, even though the filthiest slightest, that someone from US of A or even from Somalia reads it.

Now to my teammates suggestion. I didn't like the idea for various reasons. The biggest of them all was that most of the other people will be offering more than what i do and so why the hell should shanee bhagwan show his/her mercy on me. Its like jobs in the market. You always want to go to the company paying the highest. shanee bhagwan too needs some criteria for measuring his devotees. All the devotees anyways approach him/her not because they like him/her but because they want sorrows to be out of their way. That factor being balanced what other better criteria than how much one offers to shanee.

Then I thought about the fact that why shanee is even called bhagwan. Only thing i know about shanee is 'shanee ki dasha' and people pray shanee so that he/she doesn't cast his/her shadow on them. They want shanee to be away from them. From that perspective shanee is more like a devil. And at that moment a brilliant idea stuck me. I decided to hire a sniper (sharp shooter) and get rid of shanee for ever. I knew i would be doing a great sevice to humanity by executing the perfectest plan. My team mates were dumb found for a second. So i changed the plan a bit and decided that i will buy a sniper gun and do the job myself. To my amusement the shock on their face refused to recede.

I thought may be they didn't like my idea of killing someone. So i calmed myself down and settled for shanee's abduction. This was perfect. I will kidnap shanee and put him/her in a secluded house somewhere in the jungles where no one can reach. Then i thought even a house in the urban regions will do since a sign board saying "shanee resides here" will do more than enough to keep people (i am concerned about the subset of people named burglars here) away. Now you may ask what about the security. Another perfect plan awaits. I have seen my father hanging those lemons and chilis in the shop to keep shanee away. I hope you guessed the plan. All the doors and windows will be adorned with fresh lemons and hottest of chilis. Lets make it even more full proof and put these shanee busters on the walls too. See, i told you, a perfect plan.

Now I have been using he/she, him/her etc. whenever i referred shanee. Frankly i do not know shanee's gender. If shanee is a 'she' and beautiful, my life is made. I will be like the kings i have read about. Won't say anymore to keep the moral brigade at bay. And if shanee is a 'he' i can earn good money (put no barriers on your imagination).

That's it. Now i posted this because i am looking for like minded people who can help me capture shanee. I would have posted a picture of mine to prove to you that i can't do it alone but refrained for good reasons. So LMP (like minded people) please shoot a mail to me ASAP (shanee might read the blog and take precautionary actions).


What will i post on this blog?

I thought i never could gather thoughts and write them seamlessly so tha they are good enuf for a blog. But from now on i am going to take help from plagiarism. I will post things which ammuse me and i hope will ammuse others also.